At Naughty Dates, we try to make it a point to understand that not everyone is the same and what people want from relationships can be completely different depending on who you talk to. We don’t like dealing in absolutes and blanket rules that say ‘avoid X’ or ‘do Y’, because the world is a little more complicated than that. Some dating blogs go as far to make a point of reacting a certain way to something, and we’ve all spoken to people in real life that think they know what goes on psychologically when it comes to dating.
For the sake of convenience, let’s make up a fictional example of what someone might say in response to an action.
You spent last night having dinner with a guy you met during an educational seminar. He dropped you home, gave you a kiss before you left and took your phone number. It wasn’t until 2 p.m. the next day that he decided to get in touch with you by sending a text message saying: “Hi, I had fun last night. Hope you did too!”.
Friend 1: Oh my god, what a loser! Why would he get in touch with you that quickly? He was probably awake for less than a few hours and was instantly smothering you. Seems like he’s a bit desperate if you ask me.
Friend 2: If I was looking for the man of my dreams, I’d expect him to get in touch with me as soon as he woke up. Clearly he’s not committed enough for you to think about dating him.
Dating Advice Site 1: Waiting until the afternoon after a date means that he’s worried you don’t like him and wants to play it cool in case he gets rejected.
Dating Advice Site 2: Avoid clingy men that make a point of messaging you the day after a date. Men should ALWAYS wait at least a day before talking to you. If they don’t, they’re just looking for sex.
Now obviously, all of these responses are completely bogus, because the only piece of analytical psychology you can perform on this particular event is that he wanted to send you a text saying he had fun. There’s no deep secret or rule that people have to follow when it comes to getting in touch with someone you had dinner with, and anyone who thinks that you can decide whether or not someone is the love of your life on a time stamp is, quite frankly, delusional about how the world works.
Steer clear of “X means Y” pop psychology, because it only serves to make progress in a relationship impossible. Analyzing every small element of what someone does is impractical, and even more so if you want to attach blanket truths that are based on poor dating advice.